These stones are not for us…
“These stones are for someone else.”
~ Owen Abels
“When your children ask their fathers in times to come, ‘What do these stones mean?’ then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over ... so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty...”
~ Bible, Joshua 4
The hot spring was much hotter than we thought ... but no less magical.
Late last August, the Abels family took our first trip as a family back to Idaho. First on the agenda: a true Idaho adventure – a hot spring in the wilderness. The late summer sun was warming the morning air as we made our way into the hot spring on the banks of the Owyhee River. Each of us found our spot:
Amy searching for the perfect temp.
I was seeing how hot I could handle.
Charles (6) was ‘playing’ with our friend Jake’s dogs (his love is strong).
And then there was Owen (3).
Owen finds his spot near the bank. Steam rolls of his (too?) red body as he is completely immersed in finding as many beautiful stones as possible and placing them on the shore. From hot spring to the bank, in and out, in and out.
A pair becomes a pile becomes a mini monument.
Dad, look! Mommy, look! His morning is somehow different than rest. Different than work. Different than play. But not less than any of them. It’s just Owen being himself. Captured and consumed by a vision.
At some point it dawns on us that our children need a breather from being cooked alive and we take a short stroll down the pathway along the river... Owen bringing one of his new possessions in each hand. We are halfway back when Owen realizes he forgot one of his stones at a stop along the path. His zeal to find it triumphs over my sensibility and I go back to get it for him. Knowing it’s about time to head home, I give fair warning:
Owen, we are about to leave. You’ll have to choose one or two stones to bring along, but the rest need to stay here.
He is absolutely puzzled for a moment. As we stand there looking at each other, Owen realizes he needs to set the record straight.
Dad, these stones aren’t for us! These stones are for someone else.
And placing his two stones, he heads to the car without looking back. I’m left for a moment taking in his little monument, a few hours worth of life left on the banks. An offering to the next pilgrims.
In doing so, he joins the long line of God’s people who have done the same thing - building mini-monuments in the wilderness for others. It’s always been true, has it not, that the gift of life we are given is for others. None of us are owners of our own story, but stewards reflecting a bigger story of God our Father’s goodness.
Unexpected News: Bad, then Good?
It’s taken a while to write this update because things have been in flux.
November brought unexpected difficult cancer news. Blood work showed my cancer levels are slowly rising. (Reminder: I have a blood cancer, so my cancer coming back looks like increased percentage of cancer cells in my blood stream.)
Slowly. But rising.
I’ve been getting check ups every three months. This news meant more frequent doctor’s visits.
So long three-month breathers.
Enter every six-week check-ups. That held true for the beginning of January and the end of February. However, blood work in February showed that my cancer levels have remained steady, so they’ve pushed me back to every three month check ups. This has been absolutely unexpected and welcome news.
My next appointment is mid-May.
What happens next
Steady on. This is our lives. Three month intervals, until it isn’t.
At one of these checkups the following will happen:
My blood work will show that it is time for more intense treatment. Cancer levels will reach a tipping point and the doctor will set a timeline for the next round of treatment – CAR-T therapy.
*For more on CAR-T, you can click here.
I’ll have six weeks of preparation.
I’ll be in-patient for a little over ten days at Avera in Sioux Falls.
It’ll be a 30 – 60 day recovery at home back to ‘full strength.’
Reflection
There has been some fear about this over the past few months. The your-cancer-is-coming-back news led to an urgent plan in place for the church. That timeline has now been pushed back (thankfully!) but, cancer is disruptive – surprise, surprise.
We’ve known from the beginning (September of 2021) that my cancer will come back. Myeloma always does. Statistically, it will be back between year two and six. I’m at year three and a little over a half. But miracles care little for stats.
We still pray regularly for that miracle... as do many of you reading this. Your prayers are actively received. I still would love for my Father in heaven to alleviate this situation. Every time I walk into the doctor’s office, I do truly wonder if this will be the time that there is a miracle. I welcome it. We ask for it. But so far, it’s been a different plan. We’ll see what mid-May brings.
Reminder
Writing these things can be difficult. Trying to tell this story requires more understanding than I have. I’m hardly a narrator, just a pilgrim. And, as a pilgrim, I’ve been challenged afresh by my son Owen’s perspective.
Lots of different kinds of people stack stones. But Christians don’t gather stones just to leave a beautiful mark on the world. We do it, to remember. And to invite others to remember.
Those stones were markers. Reminders of God’s intervention. Left by God’s people for God’s people. Reminders of lives lived under the goodness of God left as a sign post for other pilgrims.
It’s not hard to imagine a father kneeling next to his boys at the Jordan River where that first pile of stones was placed.
Dad, what is that?
Boys, that’s a reminder of when God acted to save. And showed his goodness to us. We are in the land of promise because our God works miracles. And he did it for us.
This week is Holy Week for Christians all over the world. A reminder that even the Son of God did not count his life as his own, but laid down his life so human beings could leave the darkness and come into the light...leave ‘out there’ and come ‘in here.’ The God who saved his people is still the God who saves.
These stones are not for us.